When you leave the room...

In the "brotherhood" of the fire service, there sure seems to be a lot of backstabbing.  I like to think that most of is is cowardous, and not vindictive.  If you are not sure what I mean, you either don't spend enough time in the firestation, or you are not very tuned in to what is transpiring.  Try this experiment the next time you find yourself engaged in unstructured conversation at the station:

Take note of who the conversation is about.  Chances are is it about someone who is not in the room.  Whether it is poor personal hygiene, unhealthy habits, questionable romantic history, or training committment, people love to talk ABOUT other people.  Seldom, however, do they have the balls to talk TO the other people.  My guess is that they simple don't know how. 

Being honest with people...particularly those you aren't intimately close to, can be difficult.  We fear alienation, retribution, or retaliation.  So instead, we talk about them to others, because it is safe, right?  Others won't be offended, because it is not about THEM... In fact, they will likely agree or concur your beefs, because they too fear alienation, retribution, or retaliation.  What these flamethrowers don't realize is that the way they treat others is what gets talked about when THEY leave the room. 

Personally, I will take someone with bad breath over a backstabber.  I will partner with a know-it-all as long as he has my back.  I don't mind the guy that only comes around when it is convenient, as long as he has the integrity of the department on his mind when he does.  The guy that calls another member a "poison" after they leave the lounge is certainly no "antidote"; and many times is even more "toxic" than person he bashes. 

I truly want to believe that these backstabbers point out the shortfalls of other members because deep down inside, they wish for them to be freed of their shortfalls.  Sadly, they either do not have the know-how or the willingness to take the person aside and speak with them as a concerned peer.  I would like to think that someone would have the stones to come talk to me about the things that are said about me after I leave the room.  I am smart enough to know that I have issues... who doesn't. 

I know I am overweight and out of shape, I know I am unpleasantly moody and sarcastic at times, I know I often stop at the fire station when I am in need a shower, I know I have a chip on my shoulder about aspects of my life that didn't go as planned.  But you know what?  I know things about YOU too.  Would you prefer I talk with you about them and see if I can help you improve, or should I wait until you leave the room to discuss your issues with others while we laugh at you?